i am officially old. i have a good job. i go to bed early. i watch the news. i have a car. i have my own health benefits. weird.

new found love song, "Let's Do It (Let's Fall in Love)"

I'm not sure who the original artist was but it's done by Ella Fitzgerald, Eartha Kitt, and Alanis Morissette.

It's a 1920's jazz style piece that just makes you want to dance at your wedding and fall in love all over again. I'm not posting the lyrics because it looks kind of silly when you just read them, so do me favor and go listen to it!

i feel like shit. i never knew i could hurt this much. i never knew i could feel soo empty inside. not once but twice over like shit. i want hope, more than anything i want to find that hope again, but i feel like i lost that too. three times lost inside.

well i've had an interesting spring break to say the least.

for those of you who don't already know... i had a CT Scan done. they found a tumor growing on my thyroid that is pushing my trachea aside. i met with a specialist on friday and my preliminary diagnosis is papillary thyroid cancer. because of the location of the tumor and how rapidly it's growing, i have to have surgery pretty quick. so i'm scheduled to have surgery on this thursday, march 27th. i have a follow up appointment on the next tuesday to get my stitches out and everything. so i'm not going back to school until after all this is done.

i won't know for sure until i have the tumor removed that it is papillary cancer. we're praying that it is this form of cancer because it is easily treatable, it just requires the removal of my entire thyroid and follow up mediation. the other possible forms of cancer would require radiation and chemotherapy, which i obviously don't want to have to do. i'm actually not that freaked out about having my neck cut open, i'm more concerned about missing nearly two weeks of school. thyroid problems are very common and easily treatable, redoing a semester of classes is not as easy! so keep me in your prayers this week please!

confusion. complicated. this defines my life.

soooo graduating next december. right. there are about a gazillion hoops i have to jump through to make that happen. so pray. heres what about...and if you don't like complicated and confusion then you should probablly stop reading about...now.

i have 4 classes left that are required for me to graduate.

one class for my minor is only offered spring of odd numbered year. so i need to get approval to either have the class excused or to take a class in place of this one since i will not be here in spring of an odd numbered year.

one class for my major is offered at 10 and 11 MWF. one class for my minor is only offered at 10 MWF. one class for my major is only offered at 11 MWF. so if i take the second class at 10 and the first at 11 then i can't take the third at 11. if i take the first class at 10 and the third class at 11 then i can't take the second at 10. if i take the second at 10 and the third at 11 then i can't take the first at 10 or 11. soo i need approval to excuse one class, or independent study one class, or take another class in place of one class.

oh and the above 3 classes are only offered in the fall. so even if i stayed another semester i still couldn't take the oddball class that doesn't fit. i could take the first mentioned spring of an odd numbered year only class. but this would mean i would be staying in the spring for one class and then again in the fall for one class. which means i would be staying an extra YEAR for TWO classes. waste of money, waste of time. so not an option.

and one class, the first one at 10 and 11 if you are in fact still following my train of thought, is a prerequisite to doing your internship hours. i'm doing my internship this summer. the class is in the fall. which means i can't do my internship until after the fall. but oh wait! thats right, i'm GRADUATING. which means i have to get approval to do my internship without having taken this class first.

i have to clep western civ. II for 3 credits and biology for 8 credits counting for cell bio and animal bio. but oh wait. as of jan. 1 the bio clep now only counts as your basic biological science for 3 credit hours. i need the 8 hours to count towards my 124 hours needed to graduate and i need cell bio. for my nursing prerequisites. and if i add cell bio into my fall semester then i go over 18 hours which means i'll have to pay more and i can't take microbiology which is a prerequisite for nursing because you have to have cell bio. before microbio. STUPID. so i need to find another place to clep cell bio. or i have to take it over the summer but i'm already taking a&p 1 and 2 and doing my internship and working.

i also need to figure out roommate situation for next year. my roomie is going to be an RA. and i'm REALLY excited for her... but i have to find a new roomie. but i'm graduating in december. i don't want to live with a freshmen. i don't want to live with some freaky upper classman that couldn't get anybody else to live with them. and i can't live by myself. and i have no one else i can live with because i have no friends because i have no life. i was thinking about living off campus with kami. so i'm getting an off-campus request form just in case but even that i have to petition to live off campus because you have to have lived on campus for 6 semesters before you can live off campus. well i'm graduating my 5th semester here so where the heck does that leave me. and if i do get approved to live off campus then that means i'm not living next door to christa, i have to move all my stuff down here for one semester, and its away from campus which means i will have to be able to wake up in the morning without christa pulling me out of bed...which seems silly but it really is a huge factor.

and on top of that i have 5 papers and 1 test next week, and i'm meeting with my advisor and internship person. so life will either get easier or much more complicated.

and personal life... well lets just say i was recommended to go to counseling. twice. by my assistant proffesor.

so that's my life. like i said, confusing and complicated...to the max.